So, tonight I'm feeling kind of stanky. I have just come off of a 3-day battle with some nasty stomach bug, meaning I've been out of school since Tuesday. Although one day off is nice, and I love spring break, it's weird to think of someone else in your classroom teaching your kids. I am headed into school tomorrow for Saturday school, and I am super worried about what I will find.
Anyway, between bouts of Phenagrin (sp?) induced comas, I have been reflecting a lot on life. Right now, I really feel mediocre.
Let me explain. I keep talking to other teachers who have the most amazing test scores, classrooms, or results. One of my dearest teaching friends just got nominated for this most outstanding educator award, and I am soo completely proud of her. Her classroom is amazing, and I have never seen kids love a teacher so much. This, of course, makes me look at my classroom. It is definitely not amazing. Some of my kids love me, but nothing like the way her kids treat her. In the past two years, I feel like I have gone from a complete success to someone who is very mediocre. I know God put me in this place, and I will be a stronger person because of it, but being crappy at something is a tough lesson.
Two other teachers I know just took their kids on the most amazing trips. One wrote and got all these grants to do a tour of LP Field (aka Titans stadium), and the other is taking her kids to lunch and a show "In the Heights" at TPAC. OMG--these teachers are amazing! Imagine having the go-get-ness to write grants and letters to get these amazing experiences for our little bees. What have I done to change my kids' lives? Have I organized trips they will never forget? Have I written grants to get them experiences they otherwise would never have? What is wrong with me? I used to be an overachiever. Now, I feel like I'm barely getting by.
Personally, I keep looking at blogs about new babies or weddings or I keep seeing fellow teachers heading off to prestigious law schools or other amazing opportunities. I'm thinking JEEZ LOUISE.
#1 I have not met my husband in Nashville nor am I preggo (although Target sent me the most precious catalog ab starting a baby registry yesterday???)
#2 I am planning on teaching next year, but I don't know where or to whom. And I am not doing any crazo fellowships to Turkey or Peace Corps missions to Kenya. Nor am I starting Law School at Harvard or work at Google.
#3 I work approx. 70 hours a week and don't have time to workout, meet lots of new friends, or even hang out with old ones.
#4 I feel behind.
Now, I have truly led a blessed life. However, I am having a little bit of a pity party today. Don't get me wrong--there are days when I feel like a complete success, but today is not one of them.
However, after writing this, I am going to commit to to try to finish my 4 days of March, 21 days of April, and 19.5 days of May with excellence. Even if I don't take my kids to a show or a tour, I am going to try to finish the best I possibly can. And I hope next year will be even better.
Happy Friday night! I am now ready to tackle those piles of papers that need to be graded since Tuesday.
No longer nauseous in Nashville,
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