Monday, June 21, 2010

Home alone...

Why do I hate being home alone? Why do I get scared? It makes me sad that I can't even have faith in my own home. I mean, "He's got the whole world in His hands..." and I'm worried about myself. It's like I hear noises and start freaking myself out.

For example:
Oh, that delivery man was definitely a killer. He'll be back tonight.
Or, craigslist killer. I did give my address to the girl who never came or called.
Shaz. A serial killer (like Silence of Lambs) is going to come and get me...

I mean, the list goes on and on and gets more and more irrational. It is a running joke that I'm paranoid, and I know to some degree, God made me creative and able to see small details. However, I know that worry does not do any good.

As I'm home tonight (by myself), I think about some other things going on in my life. I think about being around some very sick people recently. I mean, very. These people are able to have faith and not be scared. Yet I am scared in my own home. What will I do when life really storms on me?

About six months ago, as I was talking about what I would do if a person held a gun on me, one of the people in the group (who had recently been mugged at gun point) asked me what I was so afraid of. It made me think. What am I so afraid of? Loss of control? Death? Losing someone I love? I mean, these are sad thoughts for bedtime, but it helps me to put everything in perspective. I need to be able to have peace in the good times (like right now) and the bad.

God, help me remember that you are always watching. No matter how much I allow myself to get freaked out, you are there. Everything is according to your plan.

Sleep tight bloggy friends. Say a prayer for this big baby! Back to school soon!

Tuesday, June 15, 2010

1 Down...

The first wedding of wedding season was perfect! I loved being able to watch (up close and personal) as my sister married JP. I am so excited about my new B-I-L, and it was such a wonderful day.

It really couldn't have been better, and I wouldn't change anything. (Well, except for getting some kind of gel insert for my wedding shoes.) We had so much fun.

Sunday was a very chill day and then on Monday, we moved M up to Louisville for her summer job. This made sweet Nadine (my mom) a littlle blue since two daughters were now more or less gone for the summer. We have all been a little off, not down necessarily, but just different. It was like the wedding took over our lives for the past year, and now it's over. You kind of don't know what to do. I think even SJP is a little bored on the honeymoon. She has been FBing me all the jobs she needs me to do. Somethings never change--no matter what country you're in.

I have to head back to Nashville tomorrow and next week for 1-2 days. Then, I'm back for good starting June 30th. This will be a HUUUGE adjustment for my mom since there will be 3 of us gone for the summer, which is usually our family time. LL is heading to WKU in August, and mom is seriously going to need a new project.

I am feeling a little more on top of things since my last post. I have spent pretty much all day today working at Panera in BG and have knocked out most of my paperwork requirements. Now, I'm staying ahead on my Lipscomb work before meeting my girlies (J, Sh, and Brit!) for dinner. Things are good.

Plus, huge answer to prayers--we have found a roommate! We may even have found 2! This is wonderful because it means I don't have to move. It also means I have no excuse to not beautify my house. I have several projects, including weeding, cleaning the garage steps, and (finally!) hanging pictures in my room to do before I head back to school. I am pumped on getting ahead of things and not stressing so much. July is going to be hard enough--starting TEACHING in the classroom, that I don't want additional drama.

Hope you're enjoying your Tuesday!

Thursday, June 10, 2010

Wedding Season==Full Swing

We are down to just over 48 hours before the big day. At 5:30 pm this Saturday, my oldest sister will be walking down the aisle. Here's praying I'm not in full boo-hoo mode when I see her. Oh my--last night we watched Father of the Bride. We were all blubbering--mom ended up having to leave the room to vacuum because she just couldn't handle it.

What do I want do? I want to go get wedding pedicures, spray tanned, and enjoy the next two days. What will I be doing? Well those things, PLUS more stuff. Not fun stuff.

I mean, I just want to do nothing but wedding/sisters/family. However, my blasted real life keeps intruding. I'm taking a Master's class at Lipscomb, and it's super easy. But having to find time to submit the feeble assignments (and wireless!) is not fun. On top of this, I am down 2 roommates. I am having to try to recruit from KY and may or may not have to sling out to a new house July 1st. Plus, I keep having teachers call me to want to talk school. And, just like that (without even a pause), I am SUCKED back in. I am now sitting at Panera. I should be at home sleeping in and enjoying this cloudy (restful) day with my sisters. But no, assignments and phone calls had to be done. I just spent THIRTY minutes talking to a teacher from work. In that time, my mom came to show me her new hair, a lady from church came in with her baby, and the BTB (bride to be) called me four times. What happened? DID I HANG UP?!?! DID I TELL HIM I WOULD CALL BACK?! No! I didn't. I couldn't, since I all ready put him off three days. (He originally called on Monday and then sent me an email on Wednesday to call me out on being shady!) I had to talk.

What happened during our 32 minute convo? Well, mom held the baby, mom rocked the baby, mom left, baby left, and SJ is not answering her phone.

Bleakness. I mean I am trying to stay positive but I want be OFF.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~Deep breath in, deep breath out.

Ok, I am feeling better. Thanks for listening bloggy friends. Say a prayer that this MOH can keep her act together--at least until Post-I-Do. I will report back sometime next week.

P.S. On a huge upside, I thought this post deleted just now, but it was saved in my drafts. YAY!