Tuesday, March 2, 2010

Oh Help me.

So I am really worried about next year. I am going to be a full classroom teacher, meaning I will be solely responsible for 25+ kids. By myself. You may ask, but Ms. P, you're all ready a teacher, why is this scary?!?!

Because, my friends, I have been working with small groups and only pushing in with the full classroom teacher all year. Beginning next year, it will be only me.

Here's the thing. I act all tough (sometimes--well actually, rarely), and my kids are not scared of me AT ALL! I am working on being scarier but I am really afraid that my classroom will be in CHAOS all of next year. Everyone is all: you'll be great, you're just nervous, it's a challenge, you've all ready had one year, etc. I don't think they know how bad I really am.

I mean, when it is a small group, I have control (usually). But these are five or six kids at a time, and I know them well. What will I do when I'm in a room with 28 new kids?!?! I mean I am having severe anxiety about this. I am trying just to pray. alot.

Like today, I had 6 little bees for reading group. I ask one to put up her keychain. Nothing. I ask her again. Nothing. I fuss at one for calling out. She jumps up and calls me "petty" (my kids' favorite word) and tells me how much she hates reading group. Oh my. I separate her. As I'm working to get her moved, another sweet little bee starts passing gas on purpose. It is loud and it stinks. This causes the other kids to flip out (of course). I separate him. Both are crying, mouthing, etc. I try to keep some semblance of order and help the others read. Little Bee #1 (with the keychain) continues to call out and swing her keychain. Another flips out over a bug on the floor. The other two just look at me, like how could you let this chaos happen?

Fail. And this is only 1/4 of the kids I will have next year. What am I going to do? I mean, this was a bad day, an unusually bad day. But what happens on the really bad days next year??

Pray for divine intervention.

Okay--so I just read all this and it sounds really bad. I should just say that this was the worst day so far this year. I am going to call all the parents, they're all missing recess, and it will be okay. I just have to work on doing better. My Tuesday is not ruined. :)

1 comment:

  1. My dear Emily!! You sure are selling yourself short on what you are capable of doing! Please get over your anxieties and KNOW that you are up for this task! You will be sooooo good for your students. Sixth graders wouldn't be normal without a little attitude. They are trying to find their own level of independence, and those hormones are popping!! Be firm, but let them know you are in charge and that you care about them. Discipline is a form of love, and always be able to laugh with them. It makes you human!
    Love, Donna