Home alone...

Why do I hate being home alone? Why do I get scared? It makes me sad that I can't even have faith in my own home. I mean, "He's got the whole world in His hands..." and I'm worried about myself. It's like I hear noises and start freaking myself out.

For example:
Oh, that delivery man was definitely a killer. He'll be back tonight.
Or, craigslist killer. I did give my address to the girl who never came or called.
Shaz. A serial killer (like Silence of Lambs) is going to come and get me...

I mean, the list goes on and on and gets more and more irrational. It is a running joke that I'm paranoid, and I know to some degree, God made me creative and able to see small details. However, I know that worry does not do any good.

As I'm home tonight (by myself), I think about some other things going on in my life. I think about being around some very sick people recently. I mean, very. These people are able to have faith and not be scared. Yet I am scared in my own home. What will I do when life really storms on me?

About six months ago, as I was talking about what I would do if a person held a gun on me, one of the people in the group (who had recently been mugged at gun point) asked me what I was so afraid of. It made me think. What am I so afraid of? Loss of control? Death? Losing someone I love? I mean, these are sad thoughts for bedtime, but it helps me to put everything in perspective. I need to be able to have peace in the good times (like right now) and the bad.

God, help me remember that you are always watching. No matter how much I allow myself to get freaked out, you are there. Everything is according to your plan.

Sleep tight bloggy friends. Say a prayer for this big baby! Back to school soon!

1 Down...

The first wedding of wedding season was perfect! I loved being able to watch (up close and personal) as my sister married JP. I am so excited about my new B-I-L, and it was such a wonderful day.

It really couldn't have been better, and I wouldn't change anything. (Well, except for getting some kind of gel insert for my wedding shoes.) We had so much fun.

Sunday was a very chill day and then on Monday, we moved M up to Louisville for her summer job. This made sweet Nadine (my mom) a littlle blue since two daughters were now more or less gone for the summer. We have all been a little off, not down necessarily, but just different. It was like the wedding took over our lives for the past year, and now it's over. You kind of don't know what to do. I think even SJP is a little bored on the honeymoon. She has been FBing me all the jobs she needs me to do. Somethings never change--no matter what country you're in.

I have to head back to Nashville tomorrow and next week for 1-2 days. Then, I'm back for good starting June 30th. This will be a HUUUGE adjustment for my mom since there will be 3 of us gone for the summer, which is usually our family time. LL is heading to WKU in August, and mom is seriously going to need a new project.

I am feeling a little more on top of things since my last post. I have spent pretty much all day today working at Panera in BG and have knocked out most of my paperwork requirements. Now, I'm staying ahead on my Lipscomb work before meeting my girlies (J, Sh, and Brit!) for dinner. Things are good.

Plus, huge answer to prayers--we have found a roommate! We may even have found 2! This is wonderful because it means I don't have to move. It also means I have no excuse to not beautify my house. I have several projects, including weeding, cleaning the garage steps, and (finally!) hanging pictures in my room to do before I head back to school. I am pumped on getting ahead of things and not stressing so much. July is going to be hard enough--starting TEACHING in the classroom, that I don't want additional drama.

Hope you're enjoying your Tuesday!

Wedding Season==Full Swing

We are down to just over 48 hours before the big day. At 5:30 pm this Saturday, my oldest sister will be walking down the aisle. Here's praying I'm not in full boo-hoo mode when I see her. Oh my--last night we watched Father of the Bride. We were all blubbering--mom ended up having to leave the room to vacuum because she just couldn't handle it.



What do I want do? I want to go get wedding pedicures, spray tanned, and enjoy the next two days. What will I be doing? Well those things, PLUS more stuff. Not fun stuff.



I mean, I just want to do nothing but wedding/sisters/family. However, my blasted real life keeps intruding. I'm taking a Master's class at Lipscomb, and it's super easy. But having to find time to submit the feeble assignments (and wireless!) is not fun. On top of this, I am down 2 roommates. I am having to try to recruit from KY and may or may not have to sling out to a new house July 1st. Plus, I keep having teachers call me to want to talk school. And, just like that (without even a pause), I am SUCKED back in. I am now sitting at Panera. I should be at home sleeping in and enjoying this cloudy (restful) day with my sisters. But no, assignments and phone calls had to be done. I just spent THIRTY minutes talking to a teacher from work. In that time, my mom came to show me her new hair, a lady from church came in with her baby, and the BTB (bride to be) called me four times. What happened? DID I HANG UP?!?! DID I TELL HIM I WOULD CALL BACK?! No! I didn't. I couldn't, since I all ready put him off three days. (He originally called on Monday and then sent me an email on Wednesday to call me out on being shady!) I had to talk.

What happened during our 32 minute convo? Well, mom held the baby, mom rocked the baby, mom left, baby left, and SJ is not answering her phone.

Bleakness. I mean I am trying to stay positive but I want be OFF.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~Deep breath in, deep breath out.

Ok, I am feeling better. Thanks for listening bloggy friends. Say a prayer that this MOH can keep her act together--at least until Post-I-Do. I will report back sometime next week.

P.S. On a huge upside, I thought this post deleted just now, but it was saved in my drafts. YAY!

Approaching the finish line -- or not?

My principal says all the time that you never really get to the finish line. You only have completed one leg of the marathon. Perhaps this is true. But I am still going to celebrate making it to this first finish--or benchmark, I guess I should say.

This first year has been really great. There have been a couple of low points (mainly revolving around my insecurities as a 1st year teacher), but overall it has been happy. I am so thankful for my little bees and all the fantastic people I work with. I find myself also getting more and more excited for next year. I am still nervous, but I have some great ideas.

It is Tuesday, and we dismiss for a half-day on Thursday. So really, after today, I have 1 and 1/2 days left in this school year. It's really crazy. Now, don't think I will be gone for a longgg summer break. Oh no--at my school, we report back for PD July 1st and summer term begins the 12th. Really I just have June (and all the weddings!!) to be off, and I plan on beginning my vacay Monday, May 31st. I will not think about school until at least June 15th. That's my goal anyway. That gets me through SJ's wedding, which will be the most stressful.

I do still have a couple stresses, mainly involving where I'm going to live next year. I am in a really happy place that's pretty cheap. However, two of my roommates are ready for a change, and one has asked me to move with her. No idea what I am going to do, but I need to decide pretty quickly. It's almost June, and our lease ends June 30. Hmmm...

So tomorrow we have school and Thursday involves farewells and an Awards Ceremony. Tonight I have an End of the Year party, too! The end of the year is happy, and even if it is not THE finish line--it is still A finish line. I think we should celebrate. :)

Hope you're having a lurrvely day wherever you are!

6.5 DAYS LEFT!

As I'm sitting here across from one of my most difficult little bees, I am reminded of why I am here. This little bee epitomizes disrespect, frequently asking me "Can I go now?" "Do I have to?" He has also taken stickers and colored on my folders without permission. Mainly, he has just been a little ridiculous this 4th quarter since I have worked with him. He struggles with respect for women in general.

Anyway, we are doing our end-of-year testing. He has been reading for the last 20 minutes. This test involves listening to him read aloud, silent reading, and then comprehension questions. I didn't really think he cared what his level was--I thought he just wanted to get it over with. He came in and had to wipe his hands off on his pants. Then, he had to go to the bathroom. He was so nervous--he asked me a GAZILLION questions about what he should do. He read much more carefully than I have ever heard him read and has moved up a level. He is now attempting to move up another. He has unlimited time to do the silent reading (this was one of his first questions) and is reading each 2-3 page passage (about 7 regular book pages) 3 times! He wants to make sure he is ready for my questions.

This obviously means much more to him than I thought. It just goes to show that you never really know. I know most of my kids are invested, but this week has shown me how important reading has become to them. I have had countless requests to call parents, put names on my Reading Club posters, and make signs (!!!) for them to wear around for the day. They are precious, and I am so thankful.

This week of testing has been a blessing! Hope you have had a good week so far!

Welp...FLOOD 2010

We were out of school all last week. On Thursday and Friday, the teachers had to report, but the kids missed ALL WEEK! And, crazily, we don't have to make it up because we were in a state of emergency. Isn't that insane? This has been the craziest weather year EVERRR! Thankfully, everyone is back in the swing of things. My poor, bedraggled high school teaching friends got their EOCs given (or are in the process), so we are moving forward.

Somehow, it is all ready Wednesday, and I feel like I just got back to Nashville. This past weekend SJ graduated with her Masters from UK. Woot woot. She is super pumped, bc now she can focus on the wedding. She also got a JOB for her 25th birthday, so she can rest easy and get pumped for the nuptials. Sunday was a wonderful Mother's Day, complete with the whole fam (plus some extended fam visiting from HONG KONG!). It was perfect, and my cousins brought presents from their recent trip to Europe. I got a precious Harrod's apron (must write that Thank you note!).

This week has been a little lackluster. I don't know what's wrong with me, but I am definitely a little down. I just feel like I haven't really improved that much since the beginning of the year. I still have kids just act crazo, and it makes me sad. Mostly, I think I've been worrying about next year and realizing that my own classroom will soon be a reality. I try to psych myself up and pray a LOT, but I still worry. What if I am just awful and they don't learn anything? What if my kids hate me? Can I keep my school's high expectations? What if the classroom is chaos? Oh me, oh my. I just don't want to disappoint anyone. whoosh... breathe in, breathe out. It will all be okay. It will all be okay.

Hope you're having a good week and all ready looking towards the weekend. I have LL's prom and my first wedding of wedding season, so I'm super pumped. Have a good day!

Please pray!

I am safe in Brentwood/Nashville, but there are so many Tennesseans who are not today. Please pray that it will stop raining and that all who need help will receive it! I am completely awestruck at the complete destruction in some of Nashville's communities. I just thank God that I made it home safely yesterday (even though I had to ditch Granny the car) and that so far have water, electricity, etc.

If you are thinking of getting out and about today anywhere in central TN, go back home! It's insane out there! Say a prayer!